Authentic relating as a path to awakening. I find it wonderfully transformational, if I get to notice through a direct experience of it, how the subconscious mind (the body) responds to what I am speaking. It’s also equally important for me to notice what is being heard in my inner experience, when I am listening to someone.

The power of the subconscious mind

I find authentic relating requires a deeper subconscious level of information. For example, when I hear a story I am also formulating another story within me (what I think I heard).   If I am not noticing the subconscious material, then I am actually listening through a filtering system (perception).  It’s not possible for me to hear the truth, this way.  How I perceive is being filtered through what I already know. How I perceive therefore is  limiting my ability to take in new information, and find new meaning.

When I am present I become aware of past unresolved experiences, unexpressed emotions, beliefs and concepts, available in the felt sense. I always find an attachment to a position, which prevents me speaking truth and intimacy.   In this way if I am the listener in the conversation, or the story teller I am engaged in creating a reality which is not anchored in truth. I find this incredibly limiting of possibilities while concurrently influencing and affecting relational experiences.

This was greatly amplified for me here in Bali, where I don’t yet speak the language, and many of the locals don’t speak much English either. Added to that is a completely different cultural, and mental mind matrix the combination of which can make it really challenging to get what you need. Somehow, in a magical way that started to shift significantly for me, though I still don’t speak Indonesian. I have noticed how just being still with it all; frustration, not knowing, impatience, transforms in stillness, and then a communication happens clearly.

Self Referral; a path for intimate authentic relating

SELF REFERRAL is fundamental to living a good life, having great relational experiences, and intimacy, along with good health and a sense of well being, LOVE SELF FIRST, is the first mantra of CONNECTION, supporting intimacy and truth.

Furthermore, the way of self referral, allows me as the storyteller to notice if I abandon myself to become an identity in the story. Someone perhaps who is caught up in holding on to a mask and image of how they wish to be perceived.  I might be compromising my truth to be loved, stay safe, or belong.

I find that the story itself, is mostly a gift to the storyteller, what I might receive from that gift is my own business. It’s not about the other, or not nearly as much as we would all like to think. The gift to me is about integrity, knowing who I am, in every circumstance. This is powerfully transformational, as is having play mates to practice with.

The transformational power of Silence

In speaking TRUTH, silence is the required transmission system. If the story and the storyteller meet silence itself, then the words naturally arise, that express truth.  Sometimes there is no need to speak anything.  All that is unnecessary dissolves into the silence from where it came.

This has become a powerful practice for me, and those I work and share with. When I can speak from a connection to silence I am speaking truth. If ‘I’ can also listen from silence, then I will hear my own truth. I will know when I am in resonance. Truth, arises naturally from a direct connection to the felt sense. This is the subconscious mind. When we self refer, and notice what is moving within we are getting alot more information including how we feel.

HEART TO HEART  conversation is key to authentic relating

It’s filled with a deep intimacy and sharing from wholeness.

This way of speaking and listening is fundamental to ‘holding space’ for others in a session where I support others as a guide.  Noticing directly what I am experiencing allows me to heal myself, and return to presence.  Presence itself IS THE HEALER. Over the years I have found this to be all that is required to support others.  It’s empowering and powerful.  Presence takes us home, back to our deepest origin, which is often described as emptiness, the absolute, the Tao.

Rather than a heady experience focused on being  understood, or finding meaning, or getting someone to like me, or hear me, iI can own my experience in the moment as a Sovereign being.  Here I can discern and  ‘know’ what truly needs to be said, it emerges naturally.   I find it eliminates and transforms the noise and distraction, which is not serving me or indeed anyone.

Why? . . .  because there is separation in it. When we are separate from true Self, well that is not authentic relating.  That creates a lot of NOISE, and makes it hard to discern what is going on, and what is true. We have all been in conversations where it feels,  I am not really here, rather I’m lost in the drama out there.  Or vice versa.

Broadcast your true vibration into the world. You are the gift.

I liken this to tuning into the radio station which is broadcasting your soul. If you are not fully connected to the station of ‘you’, you will get distracted by the noise and interference of other stations, and thus it is most likely that you will be unable to hear what is true.

It has been such a joy to share these adventures with many of you, and watch the transformative power.

Wishing you all the very best for your day, your life, and the greatest gift of all…. YOU.


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